“Mom and Dad, do you have a minute to talk?”

The time has come to approach your family member to discuss senior living options. At first this conversation may seem daunting to have, and perhaps you’ve put it off for some time. Whether for health reasons, safety issues, or a growing concern for their sadness or loneliness, having them still living on their own no longer serves your family’s needs.

Moving them in to live with you can pose its own set of special challenges. But with the right perspective and a little help, you can get this important conversation started — especially when considering the unique advantages that come with Assisted Living. Surely, you’ll both have questions, and perhaps an objection or two. This is why we’ve created this simple guide to help your discussion along — it’s a hypothetical dialogue, not meant to be taken literally as a word-for- word script. It’s crucial to pick the right time and place and tone for this conversation. Stay calm and cool. Don’t force the issue. Let it come naturally and spontaneously. The right moment will present itself so it won’t feel like a
confrontation. When you both understand the road ahead, and feel better about what to expect, Assisted Living just may prove the right option for your family.

“Why move now? Things are going just fine!”

Dad, you deserve more than being alone each day. Meeting and sharing with people your age will be a good thing. What if you don’t feel well or have an accident when no one is around — maybe slip on the ice in the driveway or fall in the tub — and then can’t reach a phone? The time to think about these real possibilities is now, not after an emergency occurs. With Assisted Living, we can both be assured you’re experiencing the best of both worlds: living independently, in your own private apartment, but always with experienced help around the clock. Besides… the house is getting tougher to manage, especially during the winter.

“But it costs too much!”

That’s what I thought, too, mom, until I heard about several programs that can make it affordable. And when you toll up all the costs we’re paying now in terms of everything you and I are spending every day, believe it or not, it comes out to basically the same out-of-pocket. The house is a major financial drain, a physical one, too, and contractors get more expensive each year. In the end, for what we’re paying month-to-month you might as well be enjoying all the extras that come with Assisted Living.

“What if we can’t live together?”

Of course you can. And the best part is, the level of care is individualized per person. Which means, when you travel, mom, or even when you leave to run a quick errand, you can always rest assured dad will be in the very best care.

“Oh I’m just fine, and I take my medications every day.”

I can’t always be there to help you with your care or your medicine the way they can, dad. What if you get mixed up on the dosage, take too much, or forget to take your pills altogether? It could lead to serious complications. That’s why the care and attention of Assisted Living is ideal, dad. Plus, no more pharmacy trips to fill prescriptions; that kind of help we can use!

Beginning the Conversation

“I can cook and clean on my own- I don’t need strangers helping me.”

Yes, mom, and it’s great you still can, but we have to think about the future. Trips to the supermarket are becoming more difficult, and I don’t always have the time to take you with everything on my plate. Besides, wouldn’t it be great to have meals with a lot more variety and from a menu that changes day-to-day? You’ll even have choices. I know you love your freedom, mom, but after working so hard your whole life, why stay in that empty house alone? It’s time to rest a bit, don’t you think? Let someone else handle those chores that leave you so exhausted. And think of all the time you’ll suddenly have to do what you really like — going out for walks, doing some shopping, being with us, seeing your friends, even making some new ones. To live again, mom!

“I don’t want to lose my social life, and I’m in good physical shape.”

Yes, and I’d like you to stay that way, mom. Their exercise programs will keep you in shape, and maybe even improve your health and mobility. They also offer lots of activities and events to make each day more interesting. When was the last time you did something fun? Right now, you mostly just watch TV. In many ways, mom, it’s like living in a 5-star resort. And you’re bound to meet someone who shares your interests.

“I don’t use a walker or wheelchair like everyone else that lives there. I’m not ready for a place like that yet.”

How lucky are you, dad, living in a time where Assisted Living exists? This isn’t a nursing home — far from it. And sure, some people need walkers and such to help them get around. It’s better than falling and getting hurt, and it’s like having a portable seat. Sometimes walkers are used just for injury rehabilitation. The point is, with Assisted Living you’ll be able to live independently. You’ll have your own apartment, you can come and go as you please, you’ll have three square meals — gourmet food! — prepared and served like a country club restaurant. You’ll have all sorts of stuff to do, too. Plus, help is around, 24/7, so you won’t have to depend on my schedule anymore. And, dad… you’ll have your privacy again. I know that’s important to you.

“Well what about all of my stuff? Where am I going to put it all?”

Well, you’ll want to bring some furniture, personal items and memories to furnish your new apartment, of course. The rest can stay at home for now. There’s no need to rush that decision. Listen, mom, the truth is, life isn’t getting any easier for either of us. This may be the solution we both need. And who knows, mom… you may just love it!

Tips for Visits:

• Go on the first tour without your parent so you will be able to speak knowledgably about the community.
• Pick up an activity calendar & menu.
• Schedule an initial visit during lunch, share a meal together.
• Stop in to see a visiting music group or exercise class.
• If possible, try to go to at least 2 or 3 places, so that your loved one has more choice in the move.
• If your loved one cannot go out to visit, bring pictures of your visit, look on the community’s website, and bring back a meal, or dessert from the tour to share.